Rough Day

Today has been a rough day.  GB had a procedure scheduled for 9:15 am--an endoscopy and a flexible sigmodioscopy.  We showed up at the hospital early because he needed to get blood drawn to check on his liver functions (since the tobramycin wrecked havoc on them during the last course).  The procedures went quickly and he was in recovery by 10:30ish. The tests were both unremarkable--which is what we hoped for.  Unfortunately, right after the tests he started to have very painful spasms in this esophagus.  To make a very long story short, he is in a lot of pain, they don't have any real explanation for it, and he was admitted so they can watch him.

I handled the whole thing in typical "Lisa" fashion--making sure nurse were on their toes, getting things that GB wanted, keeping myself occupied while he tried to sleep...but I almost lost it tonight in the hospital room.  I was looking at my iPhone and saw a great picture of GB.  He is laughing and looks so happy.  Seeing it just made me cry. That is how I want him to be.  I want him to be pain-free and happy, not hunched over in pain in a hospital bed.  I wrote about the pain while I watched him, but it is too much for me to process right now.  I have a lot to say, but can't get it out right now.

Tonight will be a rough night for me. I just got home from the hospital and I am exhausted.  Yet, I feel so alone.  Beauty is staying with a friend, which means that I am in the big house entirely alone.  I complain about how loud GB is, but right now I miss his loud voice and even the sound of him stomping around the house with the shoes I hate.  I turned on the roomba vacuum thing because it is noisy and also turned up the TV.  It is cold and I don't want to go to bed alone.  I hate nights like this.