Relationships are work, period. But it seems that CF makes it so much more work. I makes every thing more complicated and makes every decision harder. Death is always in the picture, hovering over everyone, taunting. Death will come, and I will be left alone. We both know that. At times I find myself grieving the future together that we will never have and wondering what I am going to do in my "after" life, the life that I will be expected to live after G is gone. And G will feels guilty over my pain and knowing that he is going to leave me. He says that he is holding me back from getting what I want and that it will be better for me if he was gone now, instead of some time in the future. He is sick, and struggling with that, so I know that the sickness is talking to some extent, but he has told me about his feelings of guilt so many time that I know it is a huge issue for him. It seems that we both love each other so much but that the love is actually hurting. It isn't supposed to be that way. Why does CF have to hurt everyone and everything?
And yes, we have seen a couple's therapist and we have talked about it, etc., etc., the situation just plain sucks and there does not appear to be any real answer. Blah!
5 comments:
(((HUGS)))
So, so sorry--I know how difficult these conversations can be. Seems like this disease makes it impossible to even fight fair---since all the options are all loaded up with everyone's sense of guilt, obligations, and limits. Thinking of you and hoping that G feels better and is more able to talk things out soon.
Prayers and hugs for both of you, Lisa. :'(
I hate that you have to struggle with all of this. (((((hugs))))
Stacey
My usband and I went to a therapist most of this past year. The one we chose used a technicque called Imago therapy and I strongly recommend it if you ever look into therapy again. I think you can google it online to find a provider. I mention it to all couples I know who have satuff they need to sort out as I have been in and out of therpy much of my life (Cf will do that, I guess - that or I am just one fucked up broad)and honeslty, that was the only one I really felt was beneficial and worked. Just an FYI if you ever go there again.
Post a Comment