So, my sister finally took her kids and went to stay with my mom--not an ideal situation, but better than with the abusive jerk. I guess she moved on Friday or Saturday. According to her she is on some waiting lists for places, whatever. So yesterday she sends an email asking for money for gas and to do laundry. I didn't respond because Gess usually handles family loan requests and he was asleep most of the day. So, about an hour ago I get an email from her asking if we had a chance to talk about it, etc. I was in my 7th hour in the ER and a bit perturbed. So, I shot back a quick email to say "We are at the ER, so we haven't had a chance to talk about it." Then after a few minutes I emailed her again to say no. I have told her no more money several times. This was hard because of the circumstances, but I think that it is the right thing to do. So, here is the email I got back in response:
"i am sorry i wasnt asking for you to give me money i asking for you to help me and my kids and itts not like i wasnt going to pay you back i am right now without my own house without anything except what i was able to bring to moms and on the verge of losing all my other stuff that is imporant to me and the things that are not that important but hard to replace when you are a piece of shit like i am i was only trying to help me and my kids out any way that i can because like you and i both know they should have better then what i can give them and i have tried to do better for them by leaving the house that i did have i dont want to go back but i might end up having to again i am sorry that i even ask i wont anymore della"
Seriously??? I mean, am a wrong for saying no? I understand that she is in a rough spot, but is my money really going to help? She has borrowed a lot of money in the past and paid some back, but not much. She is always asking people for help and she is constantly emailing me and complaining about her life, etc. She says that it helps to vent, but it really stresses me out. She is 30 years old, and can't do anything to take care of herself, let alone her 3 kids. I have done everything that I can think of to help, even sitting down with her and showing her how to set goals and make a plan to meet them, etc. I really just don't know what else to do. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.
Are these kids going to get hurt because I don't give her money? It would be easier if I didn't have any money, because I just flat couldn't do it. We are not rich or anything (and God knows CF is frickin expensive!), but we do live a comfortable life. And you know, if my best friend called me right now and asked to borrow money, I wouldn't even think twice before getting out my check book. But that is because I know that it would definitely be an emergency and that she would use it and help herself and pay me back asap. With my sister, it is not like that at all. I mean, I have probably given her over a thousand dollars and what difference has that made? But, at the same time, how can I wear a $800 necklace, while my nieces and nephews are in this situation??
Of course, the timing of this is just great! I promise I am going to have a happy post at some point...I don't want to seem like a whiner!
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5 comments:
I still back you 100% Lisa!!!!!!
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for life.
Same for money. You have tried and tried to help with and without giving her money. At some point she needs to stand on her own and be a responsible adult.
Hugs for you and Gess. I hope things get worked out with the ER too!!!
hey Lis - BE STRONG!!!!!!!!
You are NOT responsible for D and her problems. She has chosen to make bad decision after bad decision. She knew the consequences and she is just looking for sympathy from you and an ATM. You wear a $800 necklace because you chose differently. You decided to not follow the cycle. No, Mom's isn't the best place, but at least she is safe and at sometime Mom is going to have to step up and do something, because in all honesty - she has helped create this monsterous situation. The 1st is right around the corner, so she will get more benefits, and actually she should be able to go get "emergency" funds from DSHS if she hasn't already hasn't used up this benefit. As for getting the rest of her things, she can, with a police escort, return and get the rest of her stuff, she just doesn't want to upset him. Don't let her threats of going back sway you - it is called manipulation.
Stay strong sweetie, Gess needs you! Know that you are loved, and we are all standing behind you. Hugs to both you and Gess.
I've had similar issues with my sister throughout the years. In fact recently, while going thru a second divorce I thought about weakening and sending her a sizeable check, but then I saw some things on her myspace, which reminded me about how she always plays the victim with her poor me attitude, yet is still able to go out with friends.
What I've done in the past and will probably do again is send a couple gift cards for grocery stores or gas stations to my parents who live close by, so THEY can purchase items so the kids don't do without.
I've been burned too many times. I once delivered a case of formula to my sisters house after getting a call only to see the pizza delivery truck leaving her house.
Ratatosk mom to DS wcf
She's stooping pretty low by telling you she may have to go back to an abusive situation if you don't give her money. There are always options. They may not be what she wants, but she needs to start thinking of her kids rather than herself.
Her "things" are not important - her babies are. She is making poor choices.
Sandy is right. You wear what you wear and live the way you live, because you've earned it. Don't let her guilt you or manipulate you. If you want to buy the kids some clothes or some snack stuff, that's one thing, but I wouldn't send any money.
Stacey
I like Liza's idea of gift cards for groceries. If you really feel you need to help it is a great idea.
I'm sending lots and lots of hugs for you all!!!!!
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