Updates

I went to Yakima to be with my dad on Monday evening. We got into town late, so didn't go to the hospital immediately. Instead, we went to the hotel and thanks to Ambien I slept pretty well. We went to the hospital early on Tuesday morning. Surprisingly, it went pretty well with seeing my dad. I guess I just left the "other" stuff at the door and dealt with the matter at hand. He actually looked pretty good and was in good spirits. His left arm is extremely swollen. He has a large blood clot in that arm. The doctors think that is was caused by the mass in his chest/lungs pushing against the vessel. They started him on a heprin drip to prevent more clots from forming and then started him on coumadin.

They did a bronchoscopy on Monday and took some samples from his enlarged lympnodes. And then we waited. And waited and waited. The pulmonologist told us that he is sure that the mass is cancer, but that he doesn't know what type. Based on the CT Scan it is unclear whether the mass is inside the lungs and jutting out or if it is on the outside near the lungs. His lung functions are pretty good, considering he has smoked for 60 years. His FEV1 was at 59%. His O2 saturation levels were low, so they kept him on 2 liters of 02 (on which he satted at 93-96%). I am not sure if this means that he will go home on supplemental 02.

I spend most of Tuesday and Wednesday at the hospital with him. We talked a lot. My aunt that I rarely see was also there, so we talked too. He told a lot of stories about when he was younger and when I was little. Many of those stories were hard to hear. They were stories about him being drunk and me being a little girl. Stories that are painful and that I would rather forget. So. I am carrying those with me right now and not quite sure what to do with them.

When we left the hospital on Wednesday evening the doctors thought that they would discharge him on Thursday, but subsequently they decided that they would keep him until they got the biopsy results back. Today (Friday) the doctor said that the sample taken during the bronch was not large enough, so they had to take another sample. I think that sample was taken today, but the results won't be back until Tuesday or Thursday, which means that he will be spending the long weekend in the hospital.

So far I am okay with everything...but am not sure what will come. I had pretty successfully shut out some of the issues with him from the past, but this is forcing them back into view again. At this point, I really do feel like I am "done" with those issues, as "done" as you can be. They happened, and there is nothing that can be done to change them. He is at least trying to change and be a different person, which I do respect. So, maybe that will be it and I will just deal with the medical issues at hand. I don't know for sure.

When we came home we brought my 18 year old brother home with us for a visit. There is a lot going on with him right now, and I don't feel like getting into the details. But suffice it to say that the last couple of days have been trying emotionally for me.

I am exhausted and am ready for a break and am going to try to get one this weekend even if it means kicking the boys out of the house!