Scared

Confession: I am completely exhausted. Physically and (even more so) emotionally/mentally. I know that this isn't any big shocker, but man, am I feeling it today! It feels like it has been non-stop craziness and drama for the last couple of years. I think that part of why it is so hard is that there isn't a real end in sight. This whole transplant process scares the crap out of me. I am scared about the wait and the surgery and the recovery. I am scared that it won't work or he won't make it. The statistics aren't very encouraging. In fact, they depress me. I hear success stories and am tempted to be hopeful, but hope scares me at this point. I think that most of all I am scared that I am not going to make it through this process. It feels selfish to say that since I am just the witness, but there is something in me that is afraid that it will be too much. I know that I need to be strong for Gess and my focus needs to be on helping him through this, but I'm scared.

P.S. Just to make things complicated, we have a separate transplant blog. I will likely post some transplant stuff here, but for more frequent updates visit the blog at www.liverlungtx.blogspot.com