Breaking Out

I feel like I am coming out of my shell a bit today.  When something like a hospitalization happens, I draw into myself.  Part of it if self-preservation.  I am like the cartoon turtle that springs into his shell when danger comes near.  When Gess is sick, I do what I need to do to get through that situation.  And I find that when I do that I tend to isolate myself.  I really thought about it this week and with some other posts that I wrote, and some of the isolation related to CF is self-imposed.  I think that part of it is because if I see people, I have to explain what is going on and what is happening and how I am doing, etc.  The simple fact of the matter is that sometimes I do not want to think about it.  If I am not standing in the hospital room, I don't want to think about it.  I want to zone out--and act of self-preservation--and that means pulling away from friends.  

Today was the first day that I felt like "I" was back again--if only for a bit.  A friend saw me and said that I was "perky."  The mood didn't last the entire day, but I definitely felt better. It is a process...a journey.  One step.  One moment.