Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Worried about the future

I am trying to stave off a panic attack and hoping that blogging might help. Gess's health just isn't getting better and honestly, it is freaking me out. During one of his recent hospitalizations Gessner's dad called and asked us to move to Florida. He said that we could live with him and that I could take time off, or practice law, or go to school, or whatever I want to do and the same with Gess. I don't want to have to live with his dad, certainly, but I will admit that the thought of being taken care of is so appealing.

We LOVE Seattle. I LOVE Seattle. And I do NOT want to move. I have GREAT friends and they have been really supportive during all of this. But today our "best" friends told us that they are going to Austrailia for 6 months. Not that 6 months is long, but it will be hard...when Gess heard he told me to start looking at being licensed in Florida.

This whole thing scares me. I don't want to leave my friends and my life here in Seattle. But, I also know that I need to do what will be best for Gess and his health. I am afraid that this is going to have serious effects on my career and I am afraid of uprooting my life, moving to Florida, and being left alone there eventually. I feel like CF has kidnapped my life and is the primary driving factor in it right now, and I don't know how to get it back!


Tina said...

Oh Lisa I wish I had some advice for you. Wow.Would moving to Florida involve selling your house etc? All of it just seems so scary and a little closer to reality than i like to be. I'm keeping you both in my prayers and sending you peaceful vibes.

Shannon said...

man, Lisa. Such hard decisions. I am sorry you guys have to go through this.

Piper said...

Lisa, I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. You and Gess have dealt with so much lately.

My advice, FWIW, is to make sure that you seek out something for YOU in whatever decision you make. If you stay in WA, maybe that means working out some sort of system where you have guaranteed help a couple of days a week with managing the house and/or Gess' health. I don't know if you guys could afford to hire someone or if you could just set up a rotating schedule of friends who come by one day a week ready to help with whatever needs to be done, but it sounds as if you could use a half day off a week for some serious me time!

If you DO end up considering moving, I would say that before you go make sure there's one thing you're excited about just for you. Again, it doesn't matter whether this is a job, a vow to take up a new hobby or sport in your new surroundings, a house or apt that you fell in love with, or just the thought of being able to go to the beach without getting rained out. I guess my point here is that regardless of whether you stay or go, I think maybe even a small step to stand up and say "hey, CF, this is still MY life and I'm still going to do something I love" could make all the difference.

Sorry that was so long and might have made zero sense. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make!

NoExcuses said...

Oh tough decision.

Take care lisa!

CowTown said...

Ugh, I'm sooo sorry Lisa you guys are going through all this. I wish there was an easy answer I could just blurt out here, but this is a tough one for sure.

Thinking of you!