I handled the whole thing in typical "Lisa" fashion--making sure nurse were on their toes, getting things that GB wanted, keeping myself occupied while he tried to sleep...but I almost lost it tonight in the hospital room. I was looking at my iPhone and saw a great picture of GB. He is laughing and looks so happy. Seeing it just made me cry. That is how I want him to be. I want him to be pain-free and happy, not hunched over in pain in a hospital bed. I wrote about the pain while I watched him, but it is too much for me to process right now. I have a lot to say, but can't get it out right now.
Tonight will be a rough night for me. I just got home from the hospital and I am exhausted. Yet, I feel so alone. Beauty is staying with a friend, which means that I am in the big house entirely alone. I complain about how loud GB is, but right now I miss his loud voice and even the sound of him stomping around the house with the shoes I hate. I turned on the roomba vacuum thing because it is noisy and also turned up the TV. It is cold and I don't want to go to bed alone. I hate nights like this.