Thursday, November 27, 2008

Vitamin D

So awhile back I was feeling really horrible--worn down and tired all of the time and just "off."  My doctor ran a bunch of tests and the only thing that came back out of the ordinary was really low Vitamin D levels, so he put me on a supplement.  Well, it has been about 6 weeks and I feel SO much better!  I was curious, so I did a bit of research and found that fatigue, muscle aches, and depression can all be signs of vitamin D deficiency.  Who knew?  I am so glad that my doctor is thorough and checked it!  

Thursday, November 20, 2008


Gess came home today.  He is currently pacing around the house because he is on demoral.  I hate it when he is like this.  It drives me crazy!  Anyway, the echo came back clean and so did the blood work.  The MRI machine was broken, so he has to go back tomorrow.  
I'm home from the hospital.  Gess is still there.  They ran some tests, but have a bunch more that they want to do. I was finally able to get the full story, so here it is:  As he was was getting out of the shower he had a big coughing fit and then his entire right side went numb and his vision got all funky.  He had trouble walking and decided to sit down.  The numbness went away and his vision started to correct and after about 30 minutes it was back to normal.  Then a horrible headache set in.  He called the clinic and left a message and then went to work.  Headache got worse, so he decided that work was not the best idea, so just ran in and picked up his laptop and told his boss that he wasn't feeling well.  

He went to the ER and went through that whole process.  The neurologist said that she is 99% sure that it was a migraine (apparently all the symptoms fit).  Their biggest concern is that something like a TIA could have triggered it.  So, they admitted him and are giving him fluids since he has felt a little dehydrated.  Battery of tests tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

I spent a couple of hours with him tonight and now am home with Beauty.  I am drawing a hot bath and then going to get some sleep.  Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I have been out of the office all week in a hearing so I need to go in to check on things, etc.  So, I know that it will be hectic.  

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Gess is in the hospital.  Apparently had a coughing fit this morning and then his vision got blurry and he got a headache.  Then he couldn't see when looking straight ahead, only in the periphery.  This has happened once before a few years ago.  He called the docs and then decided to go into the ER.  He is still there.  They said that they are going to admit him to watch him but there aren't any rooms so he is still waiting in the ER.  

The docs say that it is probably a migraine, but they want to rule out a TIA.  So, he will have more tests, etc.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Pain Relief

So Gess got on major pain meds yesterday and the good news is that they worked right away and he feels a lot better.  He has been sleeping all day, which I probably a really good thing for him too.  He is making so much noise in there right now (see my previous post).  I am really going to push the sleep test issue, so we'll see :)  For tonight I am sleeping in the guest bed (which is really just my bed, I love it, it is so comfy and I love to stretch out--I don't share well, even after 10 years! :) )

Discovered my sleep issue?

So, I have had sleep issues for awhile. After about a year of just not sleeping well, I went and saw a sleep specialist, had a sleep study, etc. I have mild sleep apnea and also restless leg syndrome. I take medication for the RLS and that seems fine (I never understood why I couldn't get my legs comfortable at move theaters, but this explains it!!). I had surgery for the sleep apnea and that helped some, but didn't do away with it completely, so I have a cpap. Not crazy about it and only use it sometimes.

I also had a lot of trouble failing sleep, so I take Ambien. I am tired of taking that, so I am going to see the sleep doc to figure something else out, but it works for the time being. So, I have noticed that I am just tired--even if I do all of the things that I am "supposed" to do, and my breathing, etc. looked fine on the last sleep test.

So, I conducted a bit of an experiment this week--well, I didn't intend for it to be one, but I found results, so let's say it was an experiment :) I slept upstairs in the guest room most of the week, and I slept SO well! I woke up early on my own and felt refreshed and got through the whole day without getting tired, etc. I was just telling Gess on Wed. how much better I was feeling and thought maybe it was sleep or it could be Vit. D levels (since I was really really low before and have been on the supplements for over a month). Then, last night I slept in our regular bed with Gess. This morning I woke up and was SO tired. I remember him waking me up a few times (he is not feeling well and on pain medications again), so really I think that he is disturbing my sleep. He clears his throat a lot at night and moans and talks, etc.

Of course, this leads to a dilemma: what to do! I want to just sleep upstairs in the guest bed :) But he doesn't like that. But, I need my sleep! I want him to go and have a sleep test to see what is going on. If he is waking me up a million times he can't be getting good sleep either. He agrees, but for whatever reason, wants to put it off. Hmmmm...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Another rough one

We just had another rough discussion...He actually said the words "I am dying."  I don't know what is going on with his body; what is happening that he isn't telling me.  He did say that his lungs hurt.  He has been bleeding off and on as well.  I think that he is feeling the progression of the disease and scared.  It is so hard to be so intimately affected by this but at the same time to be clueless.  I mean I have been through ups and downs with this for 10 years.  I recognize the difference in coughs and other signs that something is veering off course, but I don't know what it is like to struggle to breathe.  I don't know what is like to have pain grip my lungs.  

With this there are the two sides, the physical and the emotional.  He is going through a lot of both right now and I am watching, unable to do anything.  And at the same time I am struggling myself.  Today when it was just one of those days when I was tired of everything being so difficult.  He has been especially short and cranky--probably a product of not feeling well and also trying to deal with it mentally, and there are days when I just feel like I am at the end of my rope with that, and today was one of those days.  Does that make me a bad person?  A bad wife? 

Monday, November 10, 2008

Rough night

Last night was a rough night. I am still entirely sure what happened. I was upstairs doing homework and G called me down stairs. When I got there he was sitting on the couch with Beauty and said "Beauty is dying," and then started to cry. That was my cue to sit down and hug him and assure him that things were okay. He doesn't cry--he has the strong adversion to it. So, if he does--it really gets my attention (this is in contrast to me, who cries a lot).

I never know what I am supposed to say at times like these. I asked him why he thought that, and he said something about her being really thirsty and not eating in the same manner she always does. With the water--we started using a bowl that is really small compared to the mondo one we used to it looks like she is drinking a lot because we have to refill it all the time (big bowl is back too, not sure why G hasn't been using it). So, I am confident that she is not really thirsty. And with the food, I have no idea what he is talking about. She still will eat anything that you put in front of her and try to get more if she think that she can. But, I figured now was not the time to point these things out, so I didn't.

I just told him that Beauty seems very happy...and as if on cue she ran over and grabbed her new favorite toy and brought it over to play with him.  After a bit he said to Beauty, "You and I are alike, we are both dying and don't want others to know."  

Man...I don't know what is going on with him!  I just sat with him for while and he calmed down.  There are times when CF is so hard.  I can't even imagine what is going through his head when he thinks about these things, and I don't know what, if anything, I can do to help.  I wish that I could take just a little bit of the pain away from him.