Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Confession: I am completely exhausted. Physically and (even more so) emotionally/mentally. I know that this isn't any big shocker, but man, am I feeling it today! It feels like it has been non-stop craziness and drama for the last couple of years. I think that part of why it is so hard is that there isn't a real end in sight. This whole transplant process scares the crap out of me. I am scared about the wait and the surgery and the recovery. I am scared that it won't work or he won't make it. The statistics aren't very encouraging. In fact, they depress me. I hear success stories and am tempted to be hopeful, but hope scares me at this point. I think that most of all I am scared that I am not going to make it through this process. It feels selfish to say that since I am just the witness, but there is something in me that is afraid that it will be too much. I know that I need to be strong for Gess and my focus needs to be on helping him through this, but I'm scared.

P.S. Just to make things complicated, we have a separate transplant blog. I will likely post some transplant stuff here, but for more frequent updates visit the blog at


Lovin Lane said...

***HUGS*** I am a mother of a lil cfer... and although we are totally not where you are, I can somewhat understand the fear... Deep down I am always scared of the future and constantly try not to ever think about it, scared it is all too much to bare... and as much as one tries to just focus on the moment at hand, the mind wonders... My prayers are with you... ***HUGS***

Amy said...

(((HUGS))) Lisa, I'm always here with open ears.

CowTown said...

I'm sure this must be really scary. I wish none of this was happening to you! I'm always here as well, ready and completely willing to listen and be there for you. cell: 775-750-0925