I am planning to talk to Gess again about the issue, but those talks are always so emotionally draining (for both of us). He says that he wants kids, but feels like it would be irresponsible because of his CF. I do understand the argument and can agree with it on an intellectual level sometimes. But there is a part of me--a huge part of me--that just cannot accept that I "can't" have kids. I might feel differently if I were the one with CF. But I'm not, so here I am, wondering what to do. It seems so ironic that I have done everything "right" in terms of what society says you are "supposed" to do for starting a family: I went to college and graduated, and then married a great man that I love, and then went to law school and worked on my career so that I can have a good job and financially care for a family, waited until I was older and more mature, etc., etc., But here I am, only 32 and the possibility isn't looking good. I feel like an adolescent that just wants to stomp her feet and scream "It's not fair!" at the top of my lungs.
I wish there was a way that Gess and I could be on the same page about this, but really I don't think that it will happen. And that really hurts. I sometimes envision myself as a young-ish widow, all alone with no kids and no family (since my family is not supportive). That seems like such a bleak and lonely future.
I know that there isn't an answer. I also know that a lot of people have strong feelings about the whole CF-kids issue. So, I am not wanting to start any sort of debate. Just trying to get out my feelings, so hopefully I can move on to an "I'm okay" phase.