Saturday, August 22, 2009

Physical Limitations

When I met Gess he was very active.  Really I think that he was so determined to not let CF define who he is, that he pushed himself a lot to be active.  He did martial arts as a kid and he still does demonstrations (which unfortunately ends up with broken hands sometimes).  We used to hike a lot and do a lot.  And I love to be active.  I have a long list of things that I want to do and a lot of them involve pretty intense physical activity.  

So...here is the dilemma--Gess has not been "up" for doing much physical activity right now.  I totally understand--he has been so sick and the bleeding, etc.  But I don't know how to deal with this on a day-to-day basis.  For now I have just been casually mentioning things and seeing how he responds.  Like a group of friends was going on a pretty easy 4-mile hike today and so I mentioned it and he said that he would like to go.  So last night I asked if he thought that he would still want to go and he said that he had bled that night, so he wasn't sure.  So...we didn't go.  It is fine that we didn't, I'm not complaining about that.  I am just not sure how we should deal with this on an ongoing basis.  We are supposed to go kayaking next weekend.  Gess set it up with a friend of his...but given his health and the recent track record, I don't know if we will be going or not. 

I guess what I really need to do is just have a talk with Gessner about this.  It will not be a fun conversation....but it is something that we need to do.  We just need to have a discussion about where he is and what he feels capable of doing.  Going on as if everything is the same as it used to be is not doing either of any favors.  It probably makes him feel badly when he has to cancel because he isn't up for it and it makes me frustrated that we are canceling plans, etc.  

I also don't know where is leaves me. I am an active person and want to continue to be.  If my shins ever get better I will be training for triathlons again.  But is this going to hurt Gess?  Is he going to feel like I am leaving him behind?  

3 comments:

Amy said...

I wish I had some magical advice for you. Talking to Gess sounds like a great start.

For me, and I know I'm not married, I would feel bad if my partner didn't participate in the things they loved to do. I would want them to go out and live even if I have to sit at home once in a while. Sure I would be kinda jealous and maybe even a little annoyed but I would NEVER want them to stop life because of me.

I can only imagine how hard it is to watch Gess not be able to do what he loves anymore, or at least for the time being. I hope that the doctor's figure out what is wrong soon so you can both get back on track.

Lots of hugs and love!

Ronnie "Sickboy" Sharpe said...

Maybe you going out on your own is exactly what he would need to see...I'm sure he loves to spend time with you and if that means pushing his limits a little bit to join you then that may be what it takes.

A lot of times we let our mental state hold back what we're actually physically capable of doing. I've done it before and I'm sure I'll do it again.

Ronnie

Kim said...

I know I feel guilty if my husband doesn't participate in something because my health doesn't allow it, I'd rather have him carry on and not be held back because of me. Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't, which seems to be a good balance for us both- I don't feel overly left behind but also not too guilty that he is missing out on fun. It's a tough balance and I hope you guys can work it out! It's very interesting to read what it's like from the other perspective, so thanks for blogging about these issues.