Thursday, March 26, 2009


I know that people always say "life isn't fair"...and yeah, no fuckin' joke.  Sorry for the language, but just feeling a bit angry at the moment.  A couple weeks ago my mother told me that my brother is having another baby.  He just told me.  I guess I should be happy.  But really I feel bitter.  Oh, and he's getting married (again).  

Here's a little about my brother.  He was married for the first time when he was 16 years old.  They had to go to Idaho to get married because even with parental consent, 16 year-olds can't get married in Washington.  The girl was 20-something.  She was pregnant.  Baby number one.  They weren't together for that long. I am not sure what happened.  But they divorced, and baby-mama #1 has 2 or 3 more kids.  Surprisingly kid #1 seems to be really well behaved and adjusted.  Not sure how that happened...but maybe it is the same phenomena that happened to me, that got me out the white-trash world the rest of my family is stuck in.  Oh, yeah, I am not exaggerating, but that is for another blog.  

So, I didn't really talk to the bro for awhile, he was off doing his thing, I was in law school, etc.  Enter baby-mama #2.  She seemed nice to me, but everyone else in the family hated her.  I don't know what the deal was.  She was pregnant when I met her and they were engaged.  She was going to school to be a teacher.  Baby is born, I get a million pictures in the mail, all is good.  Then, she calls me one night hysterical saying that my brother left her and that she was pregnant again and didn't know what to do.  My mom said that she wasn't pregnant and she was just crazy, etc., etc.  

Maybe a couple of months ago my brother mentions something about going to see his "boys."  So I find out that baby-mama #2 was pregnant and there is another baby. there are 3.

My brother moves for another girl, loses his job, etc.  A mess.  Next thing I know, he moves again....for (surprise!) another girl.  Now, she is pregnant and they are getting married. 

WTF?  Haven't you heard of a condom?  Or the pill?  HELLLOOOO!  How do you think that you are EVER going to have any money if you are paying child support to at least 2 different baby-mamas?  And if this doesn't work out, make that 3.  

He is 24 years old.  Oh, and he never graduated from high school...did I forget to mention that?

It is no secret that I want to have kids, and that under the circumstances I probably will not.  Gess's health is not that good, and we all know that with CF it will just get worse.  Not the most cheery thought, but the reality.  And reality is what I must consider when thinking about a child's life.   So.  Let me get this straight.  I graduated from high school.  Then went to college and graduated.  Then I married the guy I love.  My "first" and only.  I went to law school.  I graduated.  I am a stud.  I have been married (to the same guy) for 10 frickin' years.  But I can't have children?  Yet, this 24 year old high school dropout gets baby #4??  What???  How does this make any sense at all?  

I am mostly okay with the no kids things.  At least some days.  In fact, today was a fine day.  Up until the 2 minute chat session I had with my brother.  And now I am sitting here wanting to scream and cry and eat a whole chocolate cake.  Stupid frickin' CF and stupid frickin' irresponsible people that can have kids at any moment.  Grrrr.  


Amy said...

It's like the white trash world comes to life. My SIL has a SIL in the same boat as your brother. My SIL's brother married a woman (who was 22 at the time) who had 2 kids already by 2 different dads. They got married cause she was pregnant with their first. She loses the baby and in 2 months is pregnant again. She has that baby...3 months after the baby is born she is pregnant again! BTW they are living with HIS parents. So now they have 4 kids with 3 different fathers, but they did move up to northern PA where it is super cheap to live. She FINALLY had her tubes tied with the last baby, she is 24 also. And not to judge but she doesn't like to "deal" with the kids so they watch TV all the time. Sounds like a good idea huh? :(

Some people just have that mentality. It pissed me off to no end that here was this chick (dead beat lazy ass chick) who had 4 kids by 24, didn't work and made her hubby pay for everything. And here I am with a college degree, able to support kids, willing to raise them and I can't have any.

Life really is unfair and it's like it sets itself up for the same cycle over and over again. Those poor kids of you brothers and my SIL's family will probably end up doing the same shit too. It never ends.

But I guess such is life huh? So unfair and so wrong at times, but life nonetheless.

Sorry for the novel LOL!!!


Shannon said...

Lisa, I'm sorry. That really sucks. For what it's worth, I want you to know I admire the grace by which you deal with all of this. (((HUGS)))

NoExcuses said...

life is so ridiculous like that, isn't it? UGH. so annoying. i'm sorry that you have to deal with this :(

jordysmom said...

It's one thing to make a mistake when you're young, but to keep repeating it over and over is unacceptable. Those poor kids!


Leena said...

I hope you treated yourself to 'some' chocolate if not a whole cake.
My sis has two children by two ex husbands and I'm so nervous there will be a 3rd someday because she has a new boyfriend. I love my sister, I love my nieces but my heart goes out for those little ones every day. Just pray for the children - that they'll be as studly as you when they grow up. :)

Tina said...

Ouch Lisa. My heart really breaks for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this crap. My brother has not actually fathered any children but has full custody of his ex-girlfriends little girl, and her older brother lives with another guy and his family who are not biologically related either. The skank mother is out having more kids with other misc men. She is a pathological liar, thief, drug addict, etc etc.
Not fair.

Have a piece of chocolate cake, I won't tell.