I am having one of those "I-want-a-baby-so-bad-I-could-scream" phases right now. I go through more often than I would like, but it does seem like it has been awhile since the last one. I have been enjoying that good things about not being a mom--the quiet, the freedom, etc. But I feel like I am being bombarded with pregnant women and it is getting to me. It is so strange to me how strong these urges can be. I mean, I can intellectually think about the issue and say "Having kids doesn't make sense" or "Look at all the things you can do because you don't have kids" or whatever, but a pregnant woman can walk past me and I nearly burst into tears. It has to be biology. There is just no way around it! My would I want to be pregnant and have all that extra responsibility? It HAS to be biology. But knowing that doesn't make these times any easier. On days like these I feel like I am "broken" because I am not a mother--that there is something wrong with me and I am less than a "full" woman because of it. Again, the mind knows that this is completely not true...but the thoughts still creep in.
Now, please do not comment and say "If it is meant to be it will happen" or "You could always adopt" or something like that. I am not looking for a solution to a "problem" just trying to say what I am feeling out loud in hopes that it helps the phase pass. I know that there are other options and I know that IVF is an option too. We just don't know that we want to have a child (biologically or otherwise) with Gess having CF. It is just really hard to think of bringing a child into that situation. But on the other hand, it hard for me to accept that it will never be.