Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Feeling taken advantage of

My brother has been chatting with me lately, which is a bit odd because my family doesn't chat.  Gess actually called it--when D called the other day, G said "I bet he wants money."  And today he finally asked.  My sister asked for money to avoid having her lights turned off about a week ago.  I hate that they ask me for money.  I feel guilty if I say no, and feel bad if I give it--feeling like I am "enabling" or something.  I think that the worst part about this is that I ALWAYS feel horrible after something like this.  I feel guilty for having money--which is completely ridiculous.  And then I get angry because I have my own "issues" and we have a lot of expenses, etc., so it is not like I have tons to spare.  Ughhhhh....I hate this.

I know that a lot of people wish that their families were different, but I wish that mine was just even barely functional. Seriously, even time I get a call from them, it feels like they want something, or are laying the foundation for that.  It might not always be money, but it will be help of some sort.  And there really seems to be no give--I mean, I can't call them when I have a bad day and "vent."  It is such a one-sided relationship and  I am so tired of it.  I want to be able to call my mother and get support...but instead I am the one that expected to give it.  

This is especially hard during the holidays since they are so "family" oriented.  Probably needless to say, I am not going to spend the holidays with my family.  I am staying home and for the most part it will probably just be me and Beauty (G is on a road trip and coming home on Christmas day).  Then dinner with G and a good friend of ours when they get home.  But of course I will feel guilty.  I always feel guilty about not doing enough for my family. Ughhhh....how do you get rid of these toxic relationships?  :(

Sorry for such a downer post...just feeling it tonight!


Amy said...


Families can be tough I am so sorry yours sees you as a bank. I hope they wise up some day for your sake. I would say stop lending money but I know thats hard to do. My mom borrows money from me sometimes and I always say no first and then like 10 minutes later I call back and say ok. EVERYTIME. I feel guilty if I do and guilty if I don't. But she will help me out if I am in a pickle too. So nothing like what you feel or go through but you aren't entirely alone :)

Sara and Dustin said...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am not a big fan of the holidays this year either. D's family has been AWFUL in reagrds to our loss and we did not spend the holidays with them as a result. Yes, I feel guilty - but I would feel even worse sitting there with them celebrating. So, i decided that my guilt was much more tolerable.
Money is a tough issue. But please try and not feel guilty about it, you worked hard for that!

I know everyone is different - but I think if it were me - I would just explain to them that you have your own expenses right now.