Sunday, April 19, 2009

Home and Exhausted

Gess was discharged on Friday afternoon. We were prepared for him to be discharged so I was at home getting some work done while they got the paperwork read at the hospital and Gess called to have me go over there right away because they were "f-ing up" his discharge. Apparently the home health coordinator was there and wanted to give Gess a lesson on how to use home IVs. Seriously??? We could probably both do them in our sleep! And no, these weren't "new" IVs and they were the simple push kind. Apparently my presence scared the guy because he was well-behaved when I got there :)

Of course, it still took a couple more hours to get him freed, but we were eventually able to get him home. Honestly as I type this i can't remember what we did on Friday night--I guess that is how tired I am!!

We had a birthday party planned for Gess and he said that he wanted to go ahead with the party, so we did some work for that. We had a very nice breakfast at the great local cafe called A Caprice Kitchen. After that we went home and got ready for the party. Gess knew that we were having a party, but didn't know that we were making it a "theme" party. We decided to have a cowboy party. I ordered a ton of cowboy hats and bandannas and other silly stuff. It was a good time :) i should have some pictures to post soon. We just hung out at home after everyone left.

Today we got up and went to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. That involved about an hour drive north to some tulip fields and we walked around. It was okay, too many kids and people, but the flowers were beautiful, and it was a gorgeous NW day. We had lunch, made a quick stop at the lululemon outlet store and then came home. I was completely exhausted when we got home so I decided to take a nap. Apparently I slept for 3 hours before Gess came in and wake me up. I was still tired! I did get up though and we hung out and watched a movie.

Gess decided to go to bed before 9:00 pm and I am ready to go to bed as well.

It has been a good visit with Gess's dad, but it has also been tiring. He is a great guy, but he is always moving, moving, moving. He wants to buy stuff for us all of the time too. He bought a new grill and then spent the morning putting it together. I think that Gess still have some "issues" with his dad. He had a rough relationship before...parents divorced early on and his dad wasn't around. Gess has always been trying to impress his dad and the two of them are so competitive. Over the past several years it has gotten better and we really have a great time with him. But, I can tell that there is still something there, Gess wants to impress his dad and wants his dad's approval. I know that his dad is proud of him and loves him, but he is probably not the best at showing it. So...who knows...

Gess's dad leaves in the morning and Gess and I will try to get back on top of everything. Last week was a wash in a lot of ways because of the hospital. So, it will be busy I am sure. I swear that helping Gess and dealing with these issues when they come up is a full time job! Makes me think about my career choice and how I am going to be able to juggle everything when things get worse with Gess's health. Honestly I am not sure that I am going to be able to do it. Also, it really makes me sad because I know that this means that we won't have children. But even typing that makes me cry and feel sick to my stomach. It makes me feel like a complete failure because I can't do everything...even the stuff that I want to do more than anything.


Piper said...

Failure? Gosh, and here I was thinking you sounded like WonderWoman with everything you've been balancing!

Hugs to you Lisa . . . I get where you're coming from, everything from the career choice to the wanting a family. Guess it doesn't matter if you have CF or love someone who has it. Let me know if you ever need to chat or vent to someone who shares a lot of your frustrations. We can form a bicoastal support group!

Sandy said...

Lisa Lisa Lisa, Failure - you don't know the meaning of that word, and you certainly aren't a picture of it. You have pulled yourself up by your bootstraps (whatever that truly means ;) ) and have made a success of your life. It is okay to cry, it is okay to break down and fall apart once in a while - you are human after all. Know that you are loved, and that Gess is truly blessed to have you in his life - and you know what - he knows it to. Big hugs sweetie. me

Tina said...

Lisa I don't know how to put into words the message I want to get across to you. You are an amazing woman, many times when Shawn was so very sick and I was hardly hanging on you inspired me. You made me feel it was o.k. that I couldn't do EVERYTHING, I wasn't failing, I was justified in feeling overwhelmed and what I was doing was enough.
You were right.
You two are blessed to have one another, it's hard, it's tiring, and it's often heartbreaking but it's love.
Hang in there Lisa, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm here thankful for it.